Wednesday 13 August 2014

Losing the mask

History has some intriguing examples of people pretending to be someone else. Some of the most famous were the women who claimed to be the daughter of Czar Nicholas 11 of Russia. The Czar and his family were killed in 1918 by the Bolsheviks. Rumours persisted that one of the daughters, Anastasia, had somehow survived and got away. Several women claimed to be Anastasia. There is a film about one of the most famous of these claimants. The actress, Ingrid Bergmann, played the main role and won an Oscar for her performance. People have pretended to be other historical figures including Nero and the daughters and sons of European kings. These historical episodes are pretty rare and those making the claims were never ( in my understanding ) ever accepted.

There is another form of pretending. This is where we wear a mask - where we pretend to be what we are not. Why do people do this? I think there are a few reasons. People may not know who they really are. They may not like who they are and therefore 'create' another self. They may also feel an insecurity that leads to the making of a self worn as a mask for protection. I am not not talking about where we put on a better disposition or decide to be positive or negative about a situation. The issue here is different. It's where we are living an identity that we feel to be inauthentic. A mask rather than our true face. Scared to be our real self. The problem with all this is that we are not being honest. It's living in old fears of not being good enough to be liked and also negating our true self. This fear of letting our true self out of the bottle seems to be the major issue here. Yet when we are able to be ourselves that's when the long walk to freedom starts.

How can we let this process of freedom from masks begin? I can offer two steps that aid the walk. They also build and nurture us in so many other ways. The first is to not just follow the crowd. To sometimes make a stand for what we believe  - even if we have to stand alone. To speak and say what we feel is right. We have to do this wisely and sensitively. This starts to overcome what counsellor, Deborah Day Poor calls 'Peace at Any Price' and 'the Please Disease'. Here we can start to mark out ourselves not as echoes of others but real people with their own take on things. This might not be easy at first but it is place to start. We may feel many pressures to be someone else and go along with the crowd. If we allow the demands of others to shape us we surrender our identity. They, and not us, become our life force. Ralph Waldo Emerson, the American poet, wrote that 'To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.'  Wise words and something that can support the emergence of us facing the world just as we are.

The second practice is to find peace. Mask wearing is often linked with a sense of feeling unsettled. People who have found a sense of peace tend more often to be OK with themselves and others. Deborah Day Poor in her book 'Peace at Any Price' says, 'Our most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves'. This is not meant to be a call for ego-mania or to be self- obsessed. The opposite actually. It's a call to be at peace with ourselves. When we find this peace we usually feel more at ease with who we are and with the world the way it is. We feel it easy to be ourselves and the pressure to be something else loses it's mesmeric force. So how do we find and keep this peace? That's the million dollar question. Yet we find the start of an answer given again and again free of charge. We all have our portals to peace. Walking, painting, listening to music, meditation, pottery - the list goes on and on. Each of us will have our own ways to enter peace. I think most of us know our path to peace. Our biggest problem is making sure we get time to walk in it. So peace is key to letting the mask fall and discovering with joy that we are fine as we are.
 
The Dalai Lama said in a lecture the following, 'Inner peace is the key: if you have inner peace, the external problems do not affect your deep sense of peace and tranquility...without this inner peace, no matter how comfortable your life is materially, you may still be worried, disturbed, or unhappy because of circumstances.' Very few of us would probably claim this sort of peace all the time. Yet if we can start to find its sometimes  it can grow. What starts as a seed can become a mighty tree. With peace comes strength and from peace and strength the masks and pretending start to become redundant. We don't need them anymore. We now have a face we are fine to face our world with.  

John Walsh, York Street Practice

3 comments:

  1. John - A beautifully sensitive and well articulated thoughtful piece of writing.

    If we just for a second objectively review and unpick the underlying issues which often lead to the belief of being a follower rather than a leader, the worry and fear of not wanting to be singled out, judged, ' looked upon as being different ' or being ' indifferent are just some of the real fears and anxieties behind which the masses often choose to hide behind often for self preservation amongst other fears.

    Furthermore, It is also of note and of interest to unpick and take a perspective on the following well articulated point:

    " To sometimes make a stand for what we believe - even if we have to stand alone. To speak and say what we feel is right. We have to do this wisely and sensitively"

    In the modern day environment society of today, it is in my own personal humbled belief that making a stand for what we belive is increasingly difficult in light of ever increasing institutionalised powerful environmental factors which influences a form of ideology which arises from an ingrained belief to obtain and maintain ultimate power and increase wealth for the few and not for the many.
    Therefore, it becomes increasingly difficult for the individual (s) in question for the person to stand for what he/she believes as often that person then becomes in the minority and often yet ultimately stands alone in their own wish to express and state what they believe in.

    If the thought is " To speak and say what we feel is right" - the environmental factors have ultimately to be conducive in order for those ideas to be shared, and yes sensitivity and respect has to be paramount - not just from the individual or individuals sharing their thoughts, but more importantly there is an important responsibility to listen from the audience around whom are the listeners are respond appropriately.

    Very sadly in this day and age, for me personally two of the greatest individuals ( Snowden / Assange) to live today who have shared information for the betterment of peace and integrity have ultimately being persecuted for their sincere will to make the environment in which we all live a safer and more healthier one for us all to experience each and very day.

    Ultimately the most important and crucial learning from this topic is that it is essential that all individuals are granted the space and time to express themselves fully and make their points whether or not these points are valued and or appreciated.

    In summary - It is paramount therefore to the progress of emotional well being of us all as individuals in this world that we maintain the right to express our thoughts and feelings without fear of recrimination, anything less then can and often does lead to suppression of emotions which consequently can lead to mental health problems.
    Hence, if the concept of ' sound emotional health and well being ' is sincerely considered as being of crucial importance to us all, then alongside that comes the responsibility, tolerance and understanding to recognise and value the concept of freedom of expression from the point of view of maintaing healthy emotional well being.

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    Replies
    1. Interesting thoughts.

      But Assange may have put the lives of many other people at risk.

      What about their right to anonymity and freedom from the threat of violence?

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